Lost in Place

I often just feel like I should be somewhere else, like I don't belong here. I feel like I should be out with my squad or team fighting the good fight, hunting evil, but I got sent home. This feeling and a general feeling of loss comes and goes and has been with me for decades. I think my career and raising a family distracted me from it most of the time. Now that I have released most of my professional obligations and am changing directions, it often rears up with a vengeance. When it is triggered, it can be such a feeling of separation or loss that it's worse that any actual persons death that I have ever experienced. I have a great family that I wouldn't trade for anything. But yet something seems missing. Or maybe left over from last time? I feel like I am on leave waiting to go back to war. I think, I prepare, I am aware, I am constantly vigilant. I find most daily activities and interactions boring and of little interest. I often find social interactions and situations with more than a few people of little to no enjoyment. I'd rather sit at the edge of a room or party and watch, and wait. Wait for what? I'm not quite sure what, but I expect it wouldn't be good. I probably sounds nuts, don't think I am, but there it is.